Adrift
by Loremongrel
Summary: Been homesick may be a bad thing. Especially when your planet is far, far away and you are on a extremely secret mission. But… what would happen if your home suddenly exploded ?


Earth.

A far, far planet from the glorious Irk.

A planet who even their locals acknowledged as less than a mere piece of dirt floating in space, like one of those disgusting wastes the locals calls "poop".

A planet whose importance in the vast galaxy is the same of breathing for a rock.

And rocks don't breathe.

Not a lot.

As every day, humans open those primitive eyes, wake, wash by consuming water, make breakfast by consuming even more water and eating poop food, and walk outside to do their lowly life's day-to-day activities: some goes to their assigned jobs, others just buy new-to-be wastes, while others, those who's life are signed to be sufference beyond knowledge goes… to Skool !

As all days, the youngling humans walk inside, some to never made return, but no one know who, among them, walk in disguise, looking, acting, breathing, gurgling like one of them.

A monster.

A handsome disgrace.

A great Invader.  
A…

Substitute ! yeah. A substitute. A totally, normally, green-skinned substitute. Hello, disgusting little human-children, I'm professor Zim !

The class of little humans looked… confused, to say.

Zim ? Like… the Zim right there ? A girl with gloom eyes pointed her finger to her peer from Europe, who had a perfect position on that crooked chair.

The substitute looked confused, from his second pair of eyes.

Uh… no, I meant that I am Professor... Zim… clearly-not-Zim looked around, frantically.

Chair… Still looking.  
bin. A dead silence fell in the already lifeless room, but soon that man broke silence once again. Yes ! My name is Zimcher-bin…

What kind of name is that ?

Is… middle-european.

So… you're from… Poland ?

...Yes.

It don't sound…

Zimcher-bin jumped violently onto the table of the girl, pointing one of his metallic fingers to the human-child.

Stop irritating the great Zim...cher-bin ! screamed the man with a shrill voice that shattered one of the windows. And another young human too. Now, I have an assignment for all of you: you just have to describe me, your great and powerful master-teacher the best way to get rid-and dispose- of…

Zim !

From the cold, silent door of the class, a boy arrived: he had a giant, horrendous head, with a tall tuft, a long, black trench coat, and a nerdy voice. But his name, that was the true disgrace… maybe not as his head… he, who stopped the great plans of the mighty invader Zim, he who only knew the true identity of the Irken.

He, who goes by the name of…

Dib-human ! the great Zimcher-bin screamed in furious surprise… but then took a normal pose and calmer tone… and a smug face. You're late for lesson, so you're going to spend the rest of your miserable life to detention.

Wha… you sabotaged my alarm clock !

Apologies, apologies…

That almost killed me with its deadly laser !

Zimcher-bin widened his eyes, as a furious and sinister expression formed onto his face, followed by a scream of ire. I knew I had to do it myself !

Uh ? What are you… as Dib turned that mastodonic head of his, his eyes stopped onto Zim. No, not Zimcher-bin, Zim. W-why there's two of you !?

Zim giggled softly, as he took his metallic little hands to his mouth.

Oh, is you GIR. said with a calmer tone Dib.

He's Zim, Dib-human ! the mighty Zimcher-bin, then, pressed a button under the teacher's desk, and from the door 2 bulky, menacing men arrived, for then taking Dib away.

Zimcher-bin sighed in relief, as he watched Zim with anger. We'll speak later, GIR… ahem, Zim.

And so, the day went… as always.

But I doubt all of you may immagine what happened next.

But for the few of you that can't use those neuronal connections you call brain, here's the long story: Zim fails.

Again.

So let's move far, far, far away from Earth, onto a true marvel, a might vessel.

A spaceship governed by the great leading figures of Irk. In their command deck, the Tallests were relaxing while watching planets been erased from the cosmos' guides, while crunching onto extremely fried donuts.

Hey, don't drink all the Schlorphmafor, I buyed it first. the voice of Almighty Tallest Purple was really concerned, even if muffled by all the chewed donuts in his mouth, while Almighty Tallest Red slurped onto it carelessly. Not fair, bro ! Come one, I don't want to choke again…

And don't eat all the donuts, then ! Red's words were just as annoyed as the grunts from the Navigators. Every time the same story: you buy one thing, I just start drinking it and you go into panic mode, but guess who brought the donuts for the whole of the Massive ?

Invader Grrodon on Foodcourtia ?

Me, you… Red stopped just before finishing the sentence, grunting and landing to Purple the soda. Bah, forget it. Here, drink it, I don't want to capture another planet just because you stop breathing.

Purple drinked the remaining soda with a big, happy smile onto his green face. Red wasn't just a mean son of a machine, he truly cared for his companion of a thousand adventures, no matter if he wasn't that… bright.

Slow down, you're going to get a b-

Gah, brain-freeze, brain freeze ! Red simply sighed, as he landed his palm onto his face. This day can't go any worse.

Mmmy Tallests ! said their communication Officer, pompously while standing as up as he could. Whe have a call from-

Not now, you, just… put them on hold.

It's urgent, my Tallest.

Can't you see I have an emergency to take care of ?

But is from Earth.

A slow, deep grunt came from Red's mouth as Purpled just screamed louder when he heard that name. Don't you dare respond to that call. He will stop, eventually.

On Earth, in his totally normal house, GIR was stitching up his master after the latest battle with his arch nemesis between ham, plasma-charged infants and nuclear pigs.

Zim, the real and only, was waiting for his Tallests to respond, he needed to speak with someone who really cared for him, but at the moment no one was responding.

Can I quit calling the Tallests ?

No, they're waiting for me !

Uuugh… fine.

Zim pointed his only free hand toward the roof, with his only eye still not bendaged by GIR stretched and all wide open. He was furious, so much to say something in his clicking, high-pitched own language. Probably something toward Dib and other words that's better to let be unknown.

You shouldn't use those profanities. The computer was, as always, really cold and unfeeling. I hate when you call someone like that.

W-what did you mean, huh ? Even you are against me? How dare you, Computer? You know better than me that you.. you… A long pause made a deep silence fell in the narrow room, interrupted by a long sigh by the alien as he flattened on the sofa with a disrupted look on his green, bended face. you're right.

The Computer gasped so loudly that the entire neighbour shaked, as GIR started to scream and jump all around, massacring the walls, breaking the tables and even shattering Zim's personal collection of ceramic Tallests… again.

The alien shouted loudly, enough to calm the two before someone started to suspect that aliens were hiding there… even if after all that time even an idiot would have suspected something already.

I… know that, but is so irritating that that human keep tormenting me ! the voice of the alien was the same as before, even if briefly. But I want to show the Tallests that I'm worth… I was their companion during their days as Elites, I saved their lives twice each !

You didn't.

Shut up… I was there with them during the conquest of Kalanter, and Hieros. We did a lot together like… like we were brothers. But I know they were better. They are tall for a reason, by Irk's sake !

Tallness means no-

And they were… quiet good as me. But I deluded them, just because I accidentally destroyed a small part of Irk.

And killed two Tallests.

It wasn't my fault for that ! And biseds… it's been a while since I saw Irk.

The computer hummed a little, as he observed the frown face of the irken. Probably, that was the first time in a while the two spoked so much, and surely was the first time Zim showed emotions besides envy or rage.

Oh, fine, give me a second then.

Not thanks to compassion or what, but the Computer amplified his signal, draining much of the city's energy and reaching the recesses of space, a powerful signal that bypassed the Massive's security systems and permitted the little alien to contact the Tallests… who reacted in the worst way possible.

Who… who made contact ? Who activated the monitor !?

Oh no, not today, please !

Ugh, this can't be happening… ok, what you need now, Zim ?

Red stopped, looking at the eye of the invader. It was strange not hearing Zim jumping all over the place, speaking and rambling about his "greatest mission". And that bothered both the Tallests.

Hey, uh… are you ok, Zim? Purple's voice was confused and titubant. You look… like, weirder, today.

Uh, yeah… it's nothing. Just wanted to see how you were doing, my tallests.

That was an atypical situation.

And both Tallests were creeped by that.

Ok, what's happening, Zim, why aren't you… exposing us about your mission today ? Red was trying to maintain the smug face to the irken, but it was harder than he could think of… especially when Zim started to talk.

Yeah… the mission is going great but… I was just wondering how's yours is going.

Zim, just… just cut it down, what you want ?

Well, I just wanted to know if you were near… Irk, by any chance.

The whole crew of the Massive was shocked by hearing Zim saying those words with sadness. The tallests were impressed by that, too, so much that they let their attitude go for a moment, speaking to their invader like… they weren't hating him.

Oh, by Irk, Zim, you… you're homesick, aren't you ?

Zim didn't answered, just nodded with his head while GIR patted him on his shoulder.

Ok, listen… we were heading home, looks like the Brains had something important to tell us. Just for this time... ugh…

Purple looked at Red, and in their eyes they thought the same thing.

Hey… what you think if we, like, let this call open so you can… well, see home ? Would you ?

Zim used his PAK to free himself of all the bandages. His eyes were wide opened and we, as he approached the large monitor in his home, shaking by excitement. In his miserable life, he had such emotions just two times, one of which was when the Tallests were assigning him his mission on Earth.

Yes, please! I… I beg you, I will do anything for you after this, I promise.

Fine… but if we got an important call we will not answer, you will pay it. Literally. Now shut up and just wait, all right ?

Of course, Zim didn't stayed silent for much. In what was left of the journey, the invader started to tell of what happened that day, with great discomfort for the Tallests, but after a chatting and another the three started to remembrance their old adventures. Strangely, that was a happy moment rarely irkens experience in their lives: normally, only those of the same classes do that, and even there is just a lowly practice, uncoded in their PAKs, but… natural. A word lost by irken vocabulary, however.

Hey, Zim, you better shut that sglorph mouth, we're home.

Planet Irk, situated in a remote quadrant of the galaxy, almost at the verge of nothingness, orbiting around an artificially burning star that should've became a black hole millenias ago if wasn't for extremely complex technologies created by one of the wisest Tallests Irk ever had.

The crimson planet, surrounded by pinks colored waters and covered by gray clouds, was a magnificent view. And Zim felt almost as close as the Tallests.

The eyes of the irken dripped grayish tears, as he touched the monitor in front of him. On the other side, the tallest felt something… strange, in their chests and throaths.

Purple dragged Red aside, to speak without been heard.

Listen, I can't see Zim like that, is… not right.

I know, I know, but we can't just end the call. Or better, we can. Now I think…

No. I'll hate myself for saying this, but… we should tell the truth.

Wait, what did you… we can't tell of u-

No, not that, you smeet-brain… I was speaking about why Zim is on that dirty rock.

Oh, yeah, and let him come destroy our planet again !

Look at him, Red… I think it's been enough.

Red's long grunt was followed to a series of gibberish words, before agreeing to Purple, and hoovering toward the large holographic monitor.

Hey, uh, Zim ? I think we should tell you something…

Y-yes my Tallests ?

Something about your mission…

Oh… I see… well, it's not a problem, I can finish it in no-

No, Zim, Listen… ugh… ok, concentrate: your mission was…

From the commanding deck, the Navigators started to receive calls from all over Irk. Beeping sounds and lights that never turned on before alarmed the irkens, that started to consult the ship's manual. It was strange, and not in the good way.

M… my Tallest ? You should come see this.

Hey, not now, you, we are trying to tell Zim something.

It can't wait, my Tallests.

The voices of the crew were becoming more and more distressed, like the signals form the planet's surface. Red runned toward the navigators to hear the messages, and his face became suddenly livid, so much that Purple started to breath quickly and louder.

Zim started to worrying, as no one was telling him nothing.

M-my tallests, w… what's… from his monitor, Zim could see the Massive shake violently. After a brief moment, he saw the Tallests glancing at something, something terrible and unthinkable.

Purple screamed in terror, as he proceeded to sit and murmuring something while the rest of the Navigators panicked. Red took his hands toward his mouth as he approached Purple, to then hug him, while he cried.

By Irk… by Irk… were the only words the Tallest said.

Zim, then, proceeded to command his Computer to show him what was happening, but recived no answers.

Computer, show me that's happening…

Silence fell onto the room.

Computer, please… please, show me…

… I think is better we close this call now, Zim…

No… no !

Manually, Zim bypassed his computer, to see what was happening. Then, he saw it.

The irken fell onto the ground, not even GIR dared to say something.

Shaking by the shocking view, Zim said nothing.

For all that time, Zim hoped to end that filthy mission on that dirty planet called Earth.

For all that time, he hoped to destroy that prison of a world.

For all that time, he hoped to return home.

But now… there were no more a home.

Now, Irk was no more.


End file.
